Archive for January, 2011


Meaning – a father or mother. But what is a mother or a father? yup. the meaning can be very long and subjective. but when a child seek help from a problem, can a parent actually say “i don’t want to know”? And this is a problem that’s related to school work….


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“It’s hard to feel that u r destined for greatness when u keep messing up…” – Underdog.

What is MY destiny? I thought i had it all laid out when i finished high school. Get married by 25, have first child by 27. 4 kids, 2 boys 2 girls. Be a manager by 30, have my own car, have my own apartment, have a retirement fund so can retire by certain age… i lost track of the age line and the goals… All that seems so blur now. After 10 years of being a homemaker, i don’t even know what makes me happy any more. what used to matter 15 years ago just doesnt seem to be as important anymore. my kids seem to be my everything now. but the downside to this, when they treat me like crab, it breaks my heart – literally ;( As for the happy ending marriage? purrgh… don’t even know why we are still together. i should have listen to my instinct so many years ago. even when we were dating there were red signs all over. but gullible me, believing a man would change for you…. yeah right. there are husbands who would even throw away their ego and borrow money for their wives because they promised 1000 euro per month. my husband? can’t even get a weekly groceries money… Then there was the time when we were engaged… then before i was pregnant, after i had a baby…. no wonder my sixth-sense had abandoned me. i’ve ignored it years ago…

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It’s supposed to be a happy place, where kids get to mix around n make new friends, place with new toys without mummy nagging no to touch this and that, not to mess this and that up. But everytime I send DH3 he’ll just cry. not wailing, no tantrum but obediently go into the door, with a little flying kiss while crying gently and looking at me with that sad eyes ;( What am i supposed to do?!! Sighhhh…. be strong. give him time, it’s for his own good. he needs friends his age….

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