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well, better late than never. i got an epiphany to continue my blog. this year round it’s gonna be more optimist – hopefully. this time, gonna open my eyes to the little things that matter. “everyday have gifts waiting for you. it’s your job to go through the day looking for them” – can’t remember who said this. but this is what i’m gonna do. hunting for life’s little treasure…

am giving this a try – had been soooo negative for sometime and it’s sucking up my energy. so amy (from the hatched egg) said try to wake up feeling excited to discover “gifts” from god. just like looking for treasure hunt so u’ll be more susceptible to not-so-obvious positive things/happenings in life.

well, woke up feeling happy to be hugged by flylady since my sink was clean, a huge change from usual. then my little one and me spent most of our morning waiting for out foreign pass, n i realized at least one of my kids still appreciate my affection sincerely, not when they want something ;) then i received food from a friend from my home country – yeeeaaayy :D and i actually feel i have more energy today. wonder if it’s the positivity or the alpha lipid… dare i write about my one “down” today? well, there was an up side to it though. ok, non of my children had dinner with me!! everyone took their dinner to the living room, in front of the tv including the baby!! but my hubby actually joined me :) yup. that’s a milestone….

self-talk

i’m good enough, i’m smart enough, and gosh darn it – people like me! :D

I read that somewhere about talking positive to oneself. catchy and funny. me like.

today, i laughed kicking an empty chestnut shell with my son. and his laugh is sooooo heartwarming. he slept with only his two feet showing out of the duvet :)

i’m baaaack

been a while but after the move, we had to wait almost a month for the internet line to be reconnected. even now, we still have no phone line. and they call this service???!!!

anywayssss…. it’s one of those day again. yeah i know it’s monday but monday blues doesn’t apply to me since i’m not working. but i had one of those dream again. i so HATE it when he came back in my dream. why oh why oh why? am trying so hard to put my past behind. and wasn’t even  thinking about him. why oh why… and it started. i came back to my son climbing on the tv stall, standing beside the flat screen. what if it had fall on top of him?  wonder what’s next..

 

randomness

People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.  Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

yup, i love stained-glass objects…

Parent(s)

Meaning – a father or mother. But what is a mother or a father? yup. the meaning can be very long and subjective. but when a child seek help from a problem, can a parent actually say “i don’t want to know”? And this is a problem that’s related to school work….

Destiny

“It’s hard to feel that u r destined for greatness when u keep messing up…” – Underdog.

What is MY destiny? I thought i had it all laid out when i finished high school. Get married by 25, have first child by 27. 4 kids, 2 boys 2 girls. Be a manager by 30, have my own car, have my own apartment, have a retirement fund so can retire by certain age… i lost track of the age line and the goals… All that seems so blur now. After 10 years of being a homemaker, i don’t even know what makes me happy any more. what used to matter 15 years ago just doesnt seem to be as important anymore. my kids seem to be my everything now. but the downside to this, when they treat me like crab, it breaks my heart – literally ;( As for the happy ending marriage? purrgh… don’t even know why we are still together. i should have listen to my instinct so many years ago. even when we were dating there were red signs all over. but gullible me, believing a man would change for you…. yeah right. there are husbands who would even throw away their ego and borrow money for their wives because they promised 1000 euro per month. my husband? can’t even get a weekly groceries money… Then there was the time when we were engaged… then before i was pregnant, after i had a baby…. no wonder my sixth-sense had abandoned me. i’ve ignored it years ago…

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